Movie fest

I watched entirely to much TV this weekend. I watched a number of DVDs via the DSM320, and I watched a couple movies on cable. One of the movies I watched was a bad disaster movie on Sci-Fi. it was called “Disaster Zone: Volcano in New York“.

Wow was it bad. I feel bad for Micheal Ironside, what in the world made him think this was a picture he wanted to act in.

I think I need to get a copy of this cheese fest, invite people over, to see if we can MST3K the heck out of it. Does anyone think this might be fun?

Before you answer let me list and explain a few importnat lessons I learned from this movie, lessons tat may someday save you life:

  • If your house fills up with lava and kills your dog, don’t open the door. Seriously, they let you watch a guys house fill up with lava through a window, Huh, I didn’t know drywall, glass, and wooden doors could contain lava.
  • A cheap looking ‘sports coat’, when worn by Micheal Ironside is impurvious to fire. One scene they show him set on fire running around screaming, a few minutes later his coat shows absolutly no fire damage.
  • When you find that you are in an eruption of lava, keep your eyelids closed, it will save your eye. In the same fire as above , Michal Ironside gets engulfed in flames shot out by lava errupting, later his face is show burned on one side ala phantom of the opera, yet remarkably, his eye on that side of the face is perfectly fine.
  • Metal sewer ladders do not transmit heat when swollowed by lava. The heros climb a metal ladder while lava races past them below, the bottom of the ladder is submerged in the lava, yet the rest of the ladder doesnt heat up or melt at all.
  • Lava is vindictive and will grab your ankles whenever given the chance. The token hispanic guy meets his end when a fissure opens up in the ground and he falls. He falls, landing with not much more than his ankles hanging over the fissure, yet some unseen force grabs him and drags him down into the river of lava.
  • In lava everyone can hear you scream. Token hispanic guy, as he falls into the fissure of doom is heard to be screaming as the lava presumably drags him away.
  • Lava will not melt metal if it has something better to do. Throughout the movie the lava was seen to be contained, or otherwise redirected by the use of metal. In the end of the movie the lava is seen to be flowing out into the ocean via corrugated metal sewer drains. Thank god lava is so easily contained.
  • New York (filmed on location in Canada) suburbs have the largest number of manhole covers per house in the world. In the scene before the man is swollowed by his lava filled house, the manholes burst from the street in front of his house. There must have been at least seven manholes that shot open in front of his house.
  • Lava can easily be outrun by heros. Numerous times the two primary heros were able to esacpe the flow of lava by running away. In fact they were so fast they often had time to stop and kiss while waiting for the lava to catch up so they could run again.
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