Hawser and the Hilton

Last night I attended a party for Talk Like a Pirate Day, in Milwaukee. I’ll post more about the actual party in a future post. Some of the most memorable moments of the evening happened while I was at the Hotel waiting to be picked up to go to the party, and after I was dropped off after the party. I would like to offer a disclaimer on the post-party behavior, I had been drinking some and was certainly not 100% child friendly, not that the situation really warranted it at ~2:15 a.m.

I arrived at the hotel, still in street clothes, and started the process of checking in, the clerk asked me why I was in town. I explained that I was there for a Talk Like a Pirate Day Party. “But that was yesterday… I missed it, didn’t realize it till it was to late” “Well Lad”, I said while slipping into pirate talk, “Seein as how the day falls on a friday, we are celebratin the whole weekend. So as a pirate, I give ya permission to talk like a pirate for the rest of the whole bloody weekend if ya want” The rest of my check-in process continued in pirate speak from both parties. 🙂 As I turned to walk away, one of the other clerks said something to my clerk, and he responded in pirate, to his co-workers shock, and confusion… I then heard him explaining about me, and the whole situation to his co-workers, and as the elevator door opened I heard one shout “ARRRRR”.
I entered the elevator and just as the door started to close, a young couple stepped in. She looked at me, looked at him, nudged him, he nudged back… “excuse me… uh…” “yes?” “Did I hear you say you were in town for a talk like a pirate party?” “Ahh, yes, that you did” “Uh, I thought that was just for offices?” Again, I switched to pirate, “Nay, tis a common misconception.. ya see we pirates like a good party and so a holdiay like this aint about to go uncelebrated!” At this they both were grinning ear to ear “You are awesome!!! Is the party in the hotel, can we come?” “Sadly miss ’tiss a private party at a personal residence, but If it were in me power ta bring ya along I’d certainly do it” “Awww…” “Well tis been a pleasure speaking to the two of ya, enjoy yer evnin” and at that I stepped out of the elevator to a “that was so cool!!!!”
After I got settled in my room, and changed, I got the call from saying that he would be arriving shortly to pick me up to head to the party. I headed down the elevator, alone this time, and when I stepped out into the lobby I proceeded straight to the front doors. As I was walking I heard a few “Arrrrrs” from the distance, and just let them be. I stepped out the doors onto the street to await my ride. While there I became aware of just how many people were around. A few years ago I probably would have shriveled up and died at that point, but not anymore. I took it in stride. I sauntered back and forth up and down the street as if it made perfect sense for me to be there. I’ve discovered that half the battle of fitting in to a location is to tell yourself you belong there. If I believe its perfectly normal for a pirate to be wandering around the street in front of a downtown Milwaukee hotel, then before long those around me will think so too… I began to notice that as I walked people were making a wide berth around me as they too walked the street. Two small children took notice, and grinned at me trying to work up the courage to say, “hi” but, their mother jerked them away. In fact the entire time I was there, only ONE person was brave enough to speak to me. A man stepped out of the hotel, a lady on each arm, he looked over at me, grinned, and proceeded to state “you see ladies, this is another prefect example of acceptable business casual attire. One I would accept fully at my office.” I flashed a smile back said “thankee sir… evnin ladies” and left them on their way. Thinking about it now… I should have asked him for a job 😉
While I had been pacing, I also overheard rumblings of the word pirate, real, no way, and hell no, from the group of bellmen who suddenly had better places to be than standing in front of the hotel.
I then moved over to the street corner to get a better view of traffic and to keep an eye out for . While there a group of teenagers passed by, again taking a wide path away from my location. As they crossed the street I heard one state, “man, that’s one hard core mother f-er”. I chuckled to myself for a good minute, it’s all in the look apparently…
Shortly after that arrived and we headed off to the party. As I said earlier I’ll cover that in another post.
When we returned to the hotel, at around 2:15 a.m. I thanked , and headed into the hotel. As I opened the door I could hear an argument that sounded very much as if it was about to turn physical. I rounded a corner to see a group of what must have been wedding guests on the lobby floor, one in particular was shouting at another guest standing on the stairs. Things were escalating and I was bracing for the impending fight to erupt as I stepped into the line of sight. From up on the stairwell I heard, “no F___ing way!” Oh great… drunks, ready to fight, are now focusing on the pirate… great… I really don’t need to be in a brawl… The other crowd on the floor also noticed me and stared slack jawed as I waked past, paying them no attention what so ever. Fortunately the lady of the guy on the floor level saw this temporary distraction as a golden moment and used it to remove her confrontational man from the entire situation. So, really… without saying a single word I probably prevented a fight at the hotel…
I then stepped onto the elevator, where I met another guest of the party, who stood there holding his beer. He looked down at the beer, as if to question its contents, looked back up at me and said, “are you f-ing kidding me!” Again, I would like to warn you, it was late, I had been drinking, and there was no one else but he and I in the elevator, I turned off the decency filter… I looked at him, raised an eyebrow. “Do I look like I’m f-ing kidding you?” He glanced down again at his beer… “no..no…no f-ing way… you aren’t for real are you” ”I’m as f-ing real as you are” “Holy Shit, woah… Hey are you like a Vikings fan or something” The first thing that came to my mind was, “vikings fan? I’m dressed like a pirate you inebriated twit…”. I decided it wise to say something else… I said something about being from wherever the winds take me, and how he had not been drinking enough to question my origins. I can’t really remember in full detail what I said as it was just ad lib spur of the moment… It must have impressed him. “Wow! You are f-ing for real!” “Yer damn right I am, and ya best not be forgetting it”, I said. As these words were spoken I caught a glimpse of myself in the elevator mirror and was actually taken back by the look on my face, it was menacing. Frankly I wouldn’t have wanted to mess with me… 🙂 “woah! nice attitude! Dude!! wow!!!” the elevator doors opened, I sauntered out, and once they closed behind me, I laughed my ass off in the hallway.
I can only imagine the story that man will have to tell at the office tomorrow. 🙂
As I said when I started this post, the hotel provided for quite a lot of fun last night.


4 thoughts on “Hawser and the Hilton

  1. Hilarious~!~! It is *almost* as good as Being There, because you always describe the events so well.

    Can’t wait to hear about the party itself, since these before & after situations were so funny!

  2. You need to mount a camera in that bird so we can also enjoy these moments with you. If it was half as funny as you tell it, we would all be laughing our asses off. Glad to hear you had fun!

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