Still no sleep

I lay here trying to avoid thinking about the deaths in my life. Trying to sleep, trying to find some solace in the night and yet there is none. The truth of the matter is that people I love and cared about are gone. Never again will we share a joke or laugh at a story told in casual conversation. I think that is the hardest part of all, knowing I will never hear their laughter or kind words when I need it most. No more does the phone ring out of the blue to be answerd and hear their voices on the other end. No more will I get to listen to their stories, their wisdom, and even their fears. It just isn’t fair.
What about their families? Why do they have to suffer so much pain? I know as much as I hurt from this their pain has to be indescribable. My heart aches for their loss, and I would give anything to ease their pain, to somehow undo the events and yet I cannot.



Three Years Today

It’s been three years since Dave’s accident. With the news from yesterday today has not been a great day. I’ve been trying to hide from dealing with either loss. I know it’s probably not the best choice, but there’s just a LOT to cope with. The emotional issues are hard enough as is, but then toss in this stupid ass kidney stone, and I’m just completely overwhelmed.
I’ve spent most of the day creating a guide for adding one of the features I demoed in my presentation at the conference into a libraries catalog. It’s helped, me focus on something else.