4 years today.

I just can’t believe it’s been four years. I still miss him so much. I still just hurt. It’s hard to explain how it hurts but, I just feel like a part of me was ripped away that day 4 years ago.

We had this unspoken form of communication, where we pretty much always knew what the other was going to say. It just happend , there was no working, no guessing, it was just there. That’s really how the whole friendship was from day one, there was never any work, never any reason to worry you might say the wrong thing. It was just there. Dave was such an incredibly wonderful person and I will miss him every day of my life. My life has been truly blessed to have been able to call him my friend.

I’ll be going to the grave this afternoon after work and will probably stop and see his parents again too.

If I’m crabby today or seem down please forgive me and try not to take it personal. Its not about you…


missing a friend

There are those moments when we are on the windy singing when I turn to look expecting fully to see you standing there next to me. I really wish you could have had the chance to do this. You are missed.

Musical Emotional Landmines…

I hate how emotional land mines can sneak up on you out of nowhere. I was getting ready to go to Navy Pier for the shanty sail, and a couple songs popped in my head and just hit me pretty hard. You would think after 3+ years I’d be able to see it coming…

One of the two, Last Shanty, I have pretty much gotten to the point where I can cope with it on it own. I don’t fully enjoy it as much as I used to still, but it’s at least something I can listen to most days. (Certain days in April are an exception)

The other one, that really just knocks the wind out of me, is “Where the soul never dies“. I love the version by Bryan Bowers, on his Bristle Cone Pine album, its just haunting. That is of course the one that popped into my head… followed then by Last Shanty… a double whammy…
Clip of Soul of Man

Three Years Today

It’s been three years since Dave’s accident. With the news from yesterday today has not been a great day. I’ve been trying to hide from dealing with either loss. I know it’s probably not the best choice, but there’s just a LOT to cope with. The emotional issues are hard enough as is, but then toss in this stupid ass kidney stone, and I’m just completely overwhelmed.
I’ve spent most of the day creating a guide for adding one of the features I demoed in my presentation at the conference into a libraries catalog. It’s helped, me focus on something else.